January 4, 2011

This is the picture I thought of this morning when I thought of Dotty.
I don’t know what made me think of her after all these years. 
Do thoughts really have energy, was she thinking about me? I wonder 
why some people pop into my head seemingly out of nowhere.
Double Rainbow, what does it all mean? 
That picture was taken in August of 1977 in Taichung,Taiwan at Dotty’s house. She did hundreds of sit-ups everyday, it was her passion to keep a flat stomach. She was married to hard drinking chain smoking on the road to a heart attack Al, from Brooklyn. They had two young daughters, one a miserable sullen 13 year old and one chipper
pubescent 11 year old who were well tended by the Ah ma leaving us free to come and go and go and go whenever but not wherever, we wanted. Our gallivanting was limited to the market, the salon and the pool.
They moved to Florida after Taiwan and I visited them once and have never seen or heard from them again. 
In my most outlandish imaginary landscape I would never have
guessed that all these years later I’d be here. Of course, I didn’t spend any time thinking past the next week back then but I knew without thinking much about it, that the possibilities were infinite.
The possibilities have sharply
declined.
I still don’t think 34 years ahead but for an entirely different reason. I could, might be dead by then so I think in shorter terms, say 10-20 years from now. I can think of crazy ideas about where I might be then but the likelihood of something unimaginable happening, say like my moving to Africa to grow eggplant, or joining a nunnery (yes, there are still nunneries), or Weepy and I opening a fortune telling/shooting range, is very small. Well, that last one I could see. We’d be out in the desert somewhere with a thousand dogs running around and I’d read your cards in an open air tent while the Dishwasher ran around shooting things, paper mostly.
 

That could happen.

 
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7 comments

  1. Oh Woman On The Verge- this tore my heart because I don't think I have ever believed in infinite possibility except maybe once and nothing came of that and now my focus is narrowed to the possibility of a nap which is enough to make me weep with the pleasure of the thought.
    I am old.
    This was beautiful.

    Like

  2. this made me remember when I thought the possibilities were infinite. I actually still think they are infinite, but i now know that i will only pursue a handful of them in this life.

    there was something melancholy about this, i don't know if you intended that, but it was part of what made me love it so.

    Like


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