Peonies and The Escape that almost wasn’t…

We bought this bunch of Peonies yesterday at Trader Joes. All but one were tight buds when I put them in the vase and throughout the evening they each and every one opened their thousands of pale, frilly petals. It was like watching a time lapse film. Lovely and amazing. Peonies!

What a day. I almost sold my White Dragon, my Om Mobile, even though I am planning to get in it and drive off very soon I emptied it of all my belongings because someone who had already seen it once was coming back cash in hand. Someone who I know needs it as his home on wheels but was ultimately unable to hand over the cash! I don’t know what came over him but he was so conflicted and distressed and it was ultimately a relief when he said no and handed me back my keys and left in his rental car.

My gear has all been put back in and I am pretty much set to get in and drive off and I would if I didn’t have my sweet little man baby to take care of for the next few weeks. Much as I adore that face, those little legs that are learning to go faster and faster, those little butt cheeks (!) much as I’ll miss him, I have got to get out of town and breathe and be quiet and not have to do or be anything for anyone, not have to pick up the flotsam and jetsam left in every one’s wake, not have to do laundry and fold clothes and cook and and and… I feel selfish and guilty but I’m not letting it stop me because I also feel like if I don’t put the mask on myself first, I won’t be able to help anyone else with theirs.

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12 comments

  1. I'm feeling that need too. To get away and take care of no one but me or else to stay here and have everyone go away for awhile. Either way. I never thought I'd miss hunting season so much. And it has nothing to do with how much we love these people we are bound to and everything to do with just that need to remember who we are at our core and our roots without the distraction of yes, the flotsam, the jetsam, all those others' wakes.
    Lord, honey. I know.
    Strangely, one of my verification words is “downriver.”
    Time to float, I guess.

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  2. Radish! I'm so happy to see you. My world is indeed tipping and tipping and not near to righting itself just yet but I too am trying to keep up.
    calling dr bombay
    xxoo

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  3. Ms Moon, it isn't easy is it. All this juggling that must be done to keep one's little ship from sinking or capsizing.
    It is a comfort to know I am not alone.
    see you downriver.
    xxoo

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  4. I like what you write and how you write and how you reflect on life…

    I am swedish, living in France since 1986. I left my studies and my swedish family for the love of my life, that become my husband and the father of my children.

    My husband died 2 months ago from a sudden heartattack and I am now alone with my three girls…

    Your blog gives me confort !

    Johanna

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  5. Dear Johanna, Thank you so much for your comment. I'm sorry for you and your daughters. I can't imagine it. That my blog and my rantings brings you any measure of comfort is beyond wonderful. This magical internet land is so amazing. That it brought you here, that I can say hello and thank you and wish you well from this, my little corner here to yours, makes me grateful and happy and sad and humbled…
    I hope you will visit again.
    namaste,
    Yolanda

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