The old studio door.

I can hardly remember what that old studio looked like now. 

It was a hot mess I remember that. It started out as a dirt floor falling

down garage that was dark and stanky and scary to go into. 

For the last two or three weeks my two Ficus plants have been dropping 

leaves like they were fixing to die. It has slowed down to about two or three

leaves a day now. I don’t know what got them all worked up and carrying on 

that way but I’m glad they’ve settled down.

I’ve decided to spend as much of this day outdoors as possible. 

Here it is almost the end of summer and I’ve not spent more

than a few hours out in our yard all summer and it looks it too. 

Almost all the plums have fallen from the tree. I’ve made one plum cake and two

plum crisps. The rest have been eaten by critters, one of which I suspect is a bulldog, from 

the smell of things in the living room.

The old studio door.

I can hardly remember what that old studio looked like now. 

It was a hot mess I remember that. It started out as a dirt floor falling

down garage that was dark and stanky and scary to go into. 

For the last two or three weeks my two Ficus plants have been dropping 

leaves like they were fixing to die. It has slowed down to about two or three

leaves a day now. I don’t know what got them all worked up and carrying on 

that way but I’m glad they’ve settled down.

I’ve decided to spend as much of this day outdoors as possible. 

Here it is almost the end of summer and I’ve not spent more

than a few hours out in our yard all summer and it looks it too. 

Almost all the plums have fallen from the tree. I’ve made one plum cake and two

plum crisps. The rest have been eaten by critters, one of which I suspect is a bulldog, from 

the smell of things in the living room.

That was my girl.

A long time ago.

When she was little she used to ask when would she be grown-up enough to move out and be on her own and we always said when you’re 36.

How were we to know we were seeing into the future?

I imagined that my parenting would be pretty much done by now. The real hands-on kind that is. I thought there would be phone calls and visits during Thanksgiving, then life took this sharp evil, bone crunching turn and I thought I’d never have any of that ever again and now life goes and takes another sharp turn. By now I know I need to fasten up my seat belt and breathe deeply instead of clenching up for the expected whack, not that any of that makes much of a difference, I’m still always always stunned by it.

Amazed at my own stupid surprise at anything that happens as I’ve been expecting it all along.

Turns out my baby is having a baby and both babies will most likely be living here under our little roof.  Turns out my hands aren’t done being on.  Not at all.

A baby.

Two babies.

Oh my.

That was my girl.

A long time ago.

When she was little she used to ask when would she be grown-up enough to move out and be on her own and we always said when you’re 36.

How were we to know we were seeing into the future?

I imagined that my parenting would be pretty much done by now. The real hands-on kind that is. I thought there would be phone calls and visits during Thanksgiving, then life took this sharp evil, bone crunching turn and I thought I’d never have any of that ever again and now life goes and takes another sharp turn. By now I know I need to fasten up my seat belt and breathe deeply instead of clenching up for the expected whack, not that any of that makes much of a difference, I’m still always always stunned by it.

Amazed at my own stupid surprise at anything that happens as I’ve been expecting it all along.

Turns out my baby is having a baby and both babies will most likely be living here under our little roof.  Turns out my hands aren’t done being on.  Not at all.

A baby.

Two babies.

Oh my.

That was my girl.

A long time ago.

When she was little she used to ask when would she be grown-up enough to move out and be on her own and we always said when you’re 36.

How were we to know we were seeing into the future?

I imagined that my parenting would be pretty much done by now. The real hands-on kind that is. I thought there would be phone calls and visits during Thanksgiving, then life took this sharp evil, bone crunching turn and I thought I’d never have any of that ever again and now life goes and takes another sharp turn. By now I know I need to fasten up my seat belt and breathe deeply instead of clenching up for the expected whack, not that any of that makes much of a difference, I’m still always always stunned by it.

Amazed at my own stupid surprise at anything that happens as I’ve been expecting it all along.

Turns out my baby is having a baby and both babies will most likely be living here under our little roof.  Turns out my hands aren’t done being on.  Not at all.

A baby.

Two babies.

Oh my.

It’s been a wild week. Make that three weeks. No wait, make that 4 years.

Ok, forget it, more than 4 less than 1000.

My lesson for this week is to cultivate acceptance. It sounds so easy, so simple and

light but it’s as hard as anything can be. I think I accept things but then I find myself gritting my teeth and cussing in traffic, wound up as tight as a ball of rubber bands. This is a sure sign of non-acceptance and it creeps in if I’m not watching.

Obviously, I don’t believe everything I think.

So.

Cultivation. 

Nourishing the notion that I can’t change the way things are.

I’m working on feeding that idea, watering it, trimming back the dead leaves on it and letting it sit in the sunshine and rain and fog.

Letting it do it’s thing, I can rest easy and wrap myself in one of my binkies and smile when I look at my silly dolls or Lu asleep on her pouf.

All is as it should be.

It’s been a wild week. Make that three weeks. No wait, make that 4 years.

Ok, forget it, more than 4 less than 1000.

My lesson for this week is to cultivate acceptance. It sounds so easy, so simple and

light but it’s as hard as anything can be. I think I accept things but then I find myself gritting my teeth and cussing in traffic, wound up as tight as a ball of rubber bands. This is a sure sign of non-acceptance and it creeps in if I’m not watching.

Obviously, I don’t believe everything I think.

So.

Cultivation. 

Nourishing the notion that I can’t change the way things are.

I’m working on feeding that idea, watering it, trimming back the dead leaves on it and letting it sit in the sunshine and rain and fog.

Letting it do it’s thing, I can rest easy and wrap myself in one of my binkies and smile when I look at my silly dolls or Lu asleep on her pouf.

All is as it should be.

It’s been a wild week. Make that three weeks. No wait, make that 4 years.

Ok, forget it, more than 4 less than 1000.

My lesson for this week is to cultivate acceptance. It sounds so easy, so simple and

light but it’s as hard as anything can be. I think I accept things but then I find myself gritting my teeth and cussing in traffic, wound up as tight as a ball of rubber bands. This is a sure sign of non-acceptance and it creeps in if I’m not watching.

Obviously, I don’t believe everything I think.

So.

Cultivation. 

Nourishing the notion that I can’t change the way things are.

I’m working on feeding that idea, watering it, trimming back the dead leaves on it and letting it sit in the sunshine and rain and fog.

Letting it do it’s thing, I can rest easy and wrap myself in one of my binkies and smile when I look at my silly dolls or Lu asleep on her pouf.

All is as it should be.