Category Archives: Uncategorized

Scary Badasses and A Sweet Cacophony

looking at my last post I realize that some may have confused the demon reference. In Buddhism the demons destroy negativity and ignorance. they remove obstacles that can block spiritual realizations. Some demons are good! You want them around to do battle for you. These scary badasses are your protectors.

I need these guys. Full time lately.

The wind is still blowing. Some days worse than others. Early mornings are still. Or so I’ve heard, I am not conscious then.  I stay in bed and stare out the window for a good long while, listening to those doves and the roosters and the cows and turkeys and the chimes. A sweet cacophony.

i am summoning all demons today to ride in on this crazy fucking wind that’s blowing and crush, demolish, devour and burn all the bad thoughts and feelings away. 
it’s like that.
 i walked this morning, before the wind, and i did yoga. these good things did happen. i am taking notes and pinning them to the insides of my eyelids so I can remember about these good things. 
little man is down with a cold. not down exactly but unhappy and a drippy mess.

i’m going to make some chocolate chip cookies and study my auto repair book. i want to know what and where my hoses, transmission and coolant system are. i should know that stuff.

let me know if you need the demons over at your place so i can send them over when they’re done here.

namaste.

Peonies and The Escape that almost wasn’t…

We bought this bunch of Peonies yesterday at Trader Joes. All but one were tight buds when I put them in the vase and throughout the evening they each and every one opened their thousands of pale, frilly petals. It was like watching a time lapse film. Lovely and amazing. Peonies!

What a day. I almost sold my White Dragon, my Om Mobile, even though I am planning to get in it and drive off very soon I emptied it of all my belongings because someone who had already seen it once was coming back cash in hand. Someone who I know needs it as his home on wheels but was ultimately unable to hand over the cash! I don’t know what came over him but he was so conflicted and distressed and it was ultimately a relief when he said no and handed me back my keys and left in his rental car.

My gear has all been put back in and I am pretty much set to get in and drive off and I would if I didn’t have my sweet little man baby to take care of for the next few weeks. Much as I adore that face, those little legs that are learning to go faster and faster, those little butt cheeks (!) much as I’ll miss him, I have got to get out of town and breathe and be quiet and not have to do or be anything for anyone, not have to pick up the flotsam and jetsam left in every one’s wake, not have to do laundry and fold clothes and cook and and and… I feel selfish and guilty but I’m not letting it stop me because I also feel like if I don’t put the mask on myself first, I won’t be able to help anyone else with theirs.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t quite know what to do when I have the occasional day to myself. They come rather suddenly and I’m not the most spontaneous person I know so I’m thrown.

I like plans.

Here I am with Mr Chips…

He’s teaching me about no plans. Just play.

He’s my guru.

namaste.

Reptile Visitations

I am feeling:

overwhelmed
angry
sad
lonely
put upon

I am none of these things.
They are, after all, only feelings. Flighty things that can come on like a fierce storm or

 creep in like a lizard…

This crocodile like creature showed up last night and hung around longer than I wanted and then quietly disappeared.

Just like those pesky feelings.

This morning I was walking the hills when I came upon a snake draped across my path and I thought what the what is with the reptile visitations? The snake would not budge no matter how many stones and curses I flung at it. It lay there looking at me, my heart racing, alone on that hillside.  I finally walked into the dry brush to walk around it. I made it out alive. Barely.

So it’s like that today.

Feelings and snakes.

They come they go. You can throw stones and curse if you want.

The santa anas are back after a very short break but it’s warm and the sky turned from white to blue and the little boy and I took a walk around the neighborhood…

we stopped to chat with a dad and his baby in front of this beautiful little cottage.
we passed this lonely looking bear in a store window.
we climbed a tree and ran and found stuff to put in our pockets and then little man started throwing rocks at me. his aim is true. he was shorn of his beautiful locks this weekend. it gives him a kind of dangerous look. 
then we came home and ate lunch and pet the dog and I pondered the fact that it is autumn on the other side of the world and that I am exactly in the middle of my life if I live to be 112 which I do believe is possible. My great grandmother lived to be 103 and she drank and smoked cigars. If I do live that long, I’ll take up drinking again and maybe cigars.
namaste

uncertainty

the other morning i was up and out the door at the crack of dawn to drive my daughter to work. on the way back i saw a young woman standing in front of a doorway holding a gold vase in her outstretched to the heavens arms, pouring something out onto the ground.

what ritual was i witnessing i wonder?

it was such a beautiful gesture, this offering. something so out of place, so…primal.
it was one of those moments where i have to ask myself, did i really just see that or hear that?
i don’t always believe what i see or think or hear. i am never completely certain of things.

This Moment
A neighbourhood.
At dusk.
Things are getting ready
to happen
out of sight.
Stars and moths.
And rinds slanting around fruit.
But not yet.
One tree is black. 
One window is yellow as butter.
A woman leans down to catch a child
who has run into her arms
this moment.
Stars rise.
Moths flutter.
Apples sweeten in the dark.
Eaven Boland

Mr Chips Learns to Kill Zombies

In case anyone is wondering what the Tearful Dishwasher has been up to lately…
By the way….
I’m still struggling with this whole Reader thing. I have now started using The Old Reader, which isn’t the old Google Reader but something else entirely but very much like the soon to be gone Google Reader. I’m an old dog learning new tricks! It can be done though it does hurt a little bit.
Also I am still not receiving any comments via email. FFS blogger! WTW? 
I have a few precious alone time hours, a rare thing these days and therefore a little stressful. How to fill everything I want and need to do in such a short amount of time?  It’s so ridiculous it’s almost funny and therefore I’m going to take a nap.
Namaste.

or
Paymaster
Napster
Namesake
Master.

Thank you blogger spell check but I will stick with Namaste.

In the Garden and on the Internets

Things are blooming. The plum tree, the wisteria….the maple and the ginkgo trees are leafing out, the cerinthe is sprawled out drinking in the sun and I planted a blue hydrangea by the front door. The days are too short for all I want to fill them with.

As soon as I heard about Google dumping its Reader I started looking around for an alternative. I love(d) reader, it was part of my morning ritual.  Not being one to hang on to the bitter end, I bid Reader a reluctant goodbye and signed on with Bloglovin and Feedly and have been going back and forth between the two finding fault with both but I have finally decided on Bloglovin because Feedly erased two of my favorite reads (Angella and Ms Moon) and I didn’t even realize it until I hadn’t seen any postings for a few days. I thought you two were much too quiet…
I don’t know what happened but that just made the choice easy.
Bloglovin it is.

Jumping Babies…

Yesterday our little grand baby jumped out of his crib. No major damage done but holy moly there was a bucket of tears and my little heart was squished up in pain. This little guy, aka Danger Mouse, is a map of bruises, cuts, scrapes, bumps and lumps. He is fearless and scary. He goes whenever danger calls, with relish.
He scares the shit out of me.
He and his parents live behind that door and I feel lucky to have them so close, to see them every day. They are a fresh wind that blows through this house. Sometimes a tornado, a hurricane, a fierce lightning storm, sometimes a warm summer shower. Like last Sunday when my daughter came home from work and cooked a beautiful and delicious meal. Her first one ever!
The good, the bad, the scary.
Embrace it, run for the hills or let it all wash over you. You can then air dry or towel off and have some lunch til the next thing happens.

Namaste.

Charmed Life

It feels like a charmed life around here this morning. Daughter and grand baby snuggled up on the sofa watching Pingu, grand baby’s favorite thing to watch. Dog snug in her bed, the doves cooing just outside the window. The turkeys from the other morning, I’m sure they are real because I have heard them since, while fully conscious. They must be on the other side of the creek that runs across the road from us. I will get out of my jammies soon and dress to leave the nest but for right now the nest feels sweet and lovely. I’m soaking in it.
Namaste everyone.

Friday in the Garden…

I’ve committed to spend some time each day working in the garden. There is so much to do! This space has become too big for us to manage but taking small steps feels better than throwing in the towel in defeat and bit by bit, the work gets done.

The old shoes planted with succulents have held up well through the years…

We’ve cleaned up the back pretty well and the plum tree is loading up with buds and flowers.

The Jasmine vine around the bench is completely out of control.

A few Calendula stiil show up every year but not like before. I was so happy to see these.

The prayer flags in front of the little studio are faded and tattered and the daffodils are just about done.

and this year an intrepid explorer has joined in the fun. It makes working in the yard fun again.

All pictures taken with Instagram.

Have a lovely weekend.
Namaste

Oh it’s one of those days….
I want to go somewhere. My bug out trip last week, (was it last week or the week before?) was foiled by illness and life’s other absurdities and today it’s gray and chilly and threatening to rain and early this morning, before daylight, I heard turkeys gobbling. I’m not certain it wasn’t one of those phantom sounds I create in my own head. Turkeys gobbling is entirely possible.
The collage above is from my growing pile.